Need Relationship Advice? AUNTY ASK ME to the Rescue

Relationship Advice Column

Aunty Ask Me is a new relationship advice column that we would like to become a regular feature of 40 To The Max. We ask for your support by submitting your anonymous relationship questions and also sharing it with your friends to get more exposure (so to speak!!)

To provide meaningful responses, I have a seasoned relationships counsellor, Aunty Ask Me, on hand (or mouth, depending on the issue) to help out our fellow Climaxers with their conundrums.

This week, I received the following anonymous questions:


Recently I reconnected with an old friend through Facebook and now we are sexting every day. I have to admit it is a lot of fun and a real thrill. I am married, and it is helping me lift the passion in the bedroom with my husband. Does sexting with someone other than my husband mean I am being unfaithful?

Dear Sexty,

Ah, the thrill of the illicit sext. What are you wearing? Answer: red lace panties. Truth: granny bloomers with a hole in the bum. What are you doing? Answer: Rubbing oil into my thighs. Truth: Rubbing cortisone cream on my eczema. And that’s the problem with Facebook Flirting and F&cking. The gap between the real person who snores and farts next you in bed and your Facebook fantasy starts to mess with your already thin grasp on reality. You lose touch. With your partner. With the fact that many people have morning breath. Mostly with yourself.

With infidelity I always find it handy to ask yourself – how would I feel if discovered my partner was doing it? That feeling, whatever it is, is going to give you a lot of information about what’s really at stake for you. Listen to it.


Hot wax treatment --- Image by © Image Source/Corbis

I really want to receive more oral sex, but my husband has always been reluctant. I went and got a Brazilian recently, thinking it might help him find my clitoris. What advice can you give me to help me raise this with my husband?

Dear Itsdownthere,

What a clitastrophe! Did you know hyena females have enlarged clitorisses (clitori?) for that precise reason. So that hyena males don’t need any assistance finding the wonder button. But sadly, hyena also scavenge and eat half-alive warthogs. I digress. You do not need to be fluent in Brazilian – you need a better command of The Language of Love. Practice learning to communicate your needs, sexual and otherwise, to your partner. This can be verbal – using what you enjoy sexually to titillate him by talking about how much pleasure it gives you. It can be physical – guiding his mouth to where you need it to be, then helping him find the rhythm that suits you. Or it can be visual – show him a sexy picture that indicates what you need. And if all else fails, perform oral sex on him and slowly twist your body on top. They didn’t call ’69 The Summer of Love for nothing.


I have recently separated from my husband and am starting to date again. It is quite overwhelming being back at square one again. Do you have any suggestions to help me be more brave about this?

You’ve eaten three tubs of ice cream, you’ve listened to masochistic love songs (if you haven’t, I recommend something from an artist who was imprisoned for political crimes – they’re always the darkest) and now it is time to put on your Big Girl Spanx and get out there. Right? WRONG. Before you even begin to dip into the cruel sea of post-divorce dating, you need to make sure you fall back in love with yourself first. When did you last take yourself out on a date in which you did everything just for you? When did you last ask yourself what you truly value and whether you are dedicating your life to it? You are free and single. You have a chance to reinvent yourself with all the wisdom and experience of someone who has loved and lost. You are a complete, beautiful, wise woman and anyone who gets to spend time with you is fortunate. Get tender with yourself before you get on Tinder with someone else.

If you have a relationship question that needs answering, send it in using the form below. Just put Anonymous in the name and email fields. Aunty Ask Me is published once a month.

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