Vagina on Fire: Sexual Re-Awakening in Your 40s
Vagina on Fire: Sexual Re-Awakening in Your 40s
A quick guide on how to cope when your vagina suddenly wakes up.
“I did it Mum, I wiped my own bum”, chirped my 7 year old as he skipped proudly to me for a High-Five.
I did it mummy!
And there it was. The moment. After 11 years of raising three children, I had graduated. I was free. All my kids could now dress themselves, make themselves breakfast, bath themselves and go to the toilet on their own.
After a decade of children on my boobs, and in my arms and clinging to my legs, I had my body back. My kids now sleep through the night, so we also have our bed back.
A week later, my vagina woke up. And my imagination returned, and my fantasies returned and my desire to wear lingerie returned. I started writing erotica again and using vibrators again, something I hadn’t done since my 20s.
It felt sudden and great. And also very uncomfortable. I found myself walking around the supermarket and picking the kids up from school with a throbbing between my legs. The more I masturbated to calm it down, the hornier I got.
I had an insatiable sexual appetite. I felt ALIVE again at 40. And that energy was permeating everything from work to exercise in a wonderful and very productive way.
Totally turned on while husband sleeps, oblivious to the fire raging within.
My other half has found my sudden enthusiasm and requests for new ways to play quite confronting. To be fair to him, I spent my 30s in an exhaustive state, rejecting many of his advances at bedtime and in the middle of the night. Now I was “on” and he was too tired. Arrrggghhh. The mismatch in energy levels was looming as an issue for me. My husband was more like, “well now you know how I’ve felt for the past 10 years”. Clearly this needed to be resolved.
So I thought the best thing to do was consult an expert, or should I say a Sexpert.
This is Maj!
Maj Wisman is a leading online sexologist, based in Copenhagen. Her advice is sought widely in the media throughout Scandanavia. She knows her stuff and is awesome.
I approached Maj to get her take on the idea of sexual re-awakening for women in their 40s. I wanted to know if what I am experiencing is normal.
Is what I am experiencing normal?
Yes! Abso-fucking-lutely! Because you are no longer having interrupted sleep, your energy levels are back. And your world is suddenly very different. Just as women are deeply surprised by just how much their lust, libido and sex drive in general is affected as a result of childbirth and child rearing in the early years, so too can they be just as surprised when it all comes flooding back. Especially, if they have convinced themselves over all those years that, “Well, maybe I´m just one of those women with a really low sex drive.” But no honey, your body during that time was directing all energy to everything else other than to your spontaneously erotic life. Welcome back and Congratulations!
Do women reach their sexual peak in their 40s?
Not as a rule. It depends on the woman. Some will experience this awakening for the first time in their 40s, but a woman’s erotic life continues to evolve and deepen for the rest of her life, as long as she keeps the flame and interest going. Of course, there will be some physiological obstacles, and your body will be a little bit slower “To get the train started and going”, but if you want to, you can have a sparkling sex life until the day you die.
What are the best ways to overcome the mismatch in sexual energy levels with your partner?
Communication and understanding…and definitely do not blame your spouse. There is always a logical reason as to why the sexual energy is low, and as a couple you need to work on improving the intimacy in your relationship. You have already discovered, lack of sleep from having small kids, work and life stress can be a sex-drive killer. The body simply does not have unlimited energy resources. Once you can free up your energy reserves deliberately through changes in your life, or it simply comes as a result of the kids getting older and more self-sufficient, your body will respond positively to having more in the tank.
Do you have any tips for discussing fantasy with your partner and taking your sex life to a whole new level of excitement?
Jump into it! Step by step. You will be amazed of HOW much better your sex life will be in a year from now if you just take small steps every week or every second week. A great sex life is not something we are born with. It is a skill you can improve over time, if you are willing to learn more about sex, practice, and talk to each other so you can develop a sex life that is pleasurable for both of you.
Developing your sex life and exploring your pleasure can be a new hobby for you two as a couple. Taking your sex life to a new direction together can bring you as a couple on a track you have never been before, and that can be one in many ways to fall in love again and re-connect at a deep emotional level.
Bring it on, baby!
As I lay scrunched up in my bed this morning with one son lying next to me with his drool-soaked toy monkey unpleasantly close to my nose, and son no.2 lying horizontally my feet, I didn’t mind. I still love my morning cuddles with my kids. While morning sex is still not possible for the risk of interruptions, at least my husband and I have our nights back and plenty of time to be intimate and fall asleep in each others’ arms.
We have just upgraded to a king size bed so at least we can get a better sleep when the grommits get into our bed. My vagina is still on fire. More like an inferno actually. Even while writing this. I am choosing to focus on channeling this energy into building my business and getting fit….oh, and having plenty of sexy time, of course!
And now I feel better knowing that I am not alone and that this is normal. Thank you Maj for your incredible advice. You can find Maj on www.majwismann.com
Want more advice on Improving Intimacy in Your Relationship? Check out 3 Ways to Improve Intimacy In Your Relationship.
Life is short Maxers.
May you all have hot sex.
Miz x